There are moments in life when something begins to vibrate inside you for no apparent reason. A subtle movement. An intuition. A call.

For me, that call appeared early, long before I knew how to name it.

The first inner openings

When I was fourteen or fifteen, I started watching videos about science, philosophy, spirituality, and personal development. They explored consciousness, subtle perceptions, inner states, the mysteries of the human mind.

I didn’t talk about it to anyone. Not out of shame, but because I already knew that what I felt didn’t resemble what others expressed. I felt different. So I kept it inside.

Those videos put words on intuitions I had carried for years. They opened a door to an inner world I recognized without having explored it yet.

The blurry years

When I think back to middle and high school, everything is foggy. Like watching my life through a steamed window.

I remember video games. I remember being good at school without effort. I remember being surrounded, yet rarely present. I was floating. Surviving more than living.

Physiotherapy: a path chosen for me

Since childhood, I naturally massaged people around me. My parents kept saying: “You should become a physiotherapist. It pays well. You’re made for it.”

And because I didn’t yet know how to choose myself, I followed that path without questioning it. I never considered anything else.

Three years of failure

Medicine. Physio prep school. Sports science.

Three attempts. Three failures.

Each failure sent me back to an inner emptiness I couldn’t explain. As if life was saying: “This is not your path.”

The drift: drugs and escape

Then came the period where I lost myself.

The first joints. The raves every weekend. A world without limits.

Alcohol, weed, ketamine, LSD, MDMA, mushrooms, DMT, opium… We mixed everything. It was pure escape.

Until the first bad trip. A crack. A brutal realization: I was playing with something I didn’t understand.

The need to leave

After years of confusion, something inside me said stop. A silent but definitive stop.

In 2018, I found a volunteer program in Cambodia. Seven months. A humanitarian project. A way out. Or maybe a way in.

I said yes without hesitation.

Cambodia: the turning point

Living alone abroad was a liberating shock.

A new culture. A new rhythm. A new way of being. I felt alive.

I traveled through Indonesia, Vietnam, Thailand. I met simple, luminous people. I discovered silence, slowness, presence.

And then came Natacha. A yoga teacher. A luminous woman. She saw in me what I couldn’t yet see.

With her, I discovered yoga, meditation, energy work, subtle sensations.

Vipassana: the culmination

Before returning to France, I did my first Vipassana retreat in Thailand. Ten days of silence. Ten days facing myself.

Vipassana was a turning point. A mirror. A purification. A revelation.

I understood that everything I had lived until then wasn’t an ending, but a beginning.